10 reality checks for staying conscious in a relationship
by Tim Ray

“Fun??” she says and continues, “Having fun right now is not good enough for me. I want to know that we have a future together, that our relationship has potential. I don’t want to wake up in a few years and find that I wasted the best years of my life on something that wasn’t going anywhere…”

Does this sound familiar? Have you said something like this to your partner or ex-partner? Or have you heard something like this from one of your partners? I know I sure have, more than once. The first time it was me who made a declaration like this (that was in the start of my relationship career). But for the last years, I’ve been on the receiving end of quite a few declarations like this from my ex-girlfriends.

And every time I’ve believed something like the thoughts above (whether I was giving or receiving them) it was enormously stressful and unpleasant. And no wonder because when you think about it, such thoughts and expectations have nothing to do with reality. They’re all based on our stories about how we think relationships “should” be – and not on how relationships really are.

That made me think there must be a more sensible and healthy way to be in a relationship – a way that is more in harmony with how relationships really are. So I tried to write down what I call “reality checks” or 10 ways of staying conscious in a relationship. Here they are:

1) I can't make you happy (that's your job).
2) I can't make you unhappy (that's also your job).
3) I can't give you anything you don't already have.
4) I can't save you from your life.
5) We have no future together (only this moment).
6) I can't promise you anything except that I can't promise you anything.
7) I will be faithful until I'm not faithful anymore.
8) I want you to do exactly what you're doing (because you'll do exactly what you're doing anyway).
9) No matter how hard you try, I'm never going to change. What you see is what you get.
10) I love you - and that doesn't mean that I'll do what you want me to do.

If you are in doubt as to whether these 10 statements are in harmony with reality or not, you can quickly test each of the 10 statements by turning each statement around to its complete opposite. Then ask yourself how you feel when you believe the opposite and let your life be run by it. Here’s how the opposites sound:

1) I can make you happy (your happiness is influenced by what I say and do).
2) I can make you unhappy (your happiness – or lack of happiness – is influenced by what I say and do).
3) I can give you something you don't already have (you are not whole and complete as you are).
4) I can save you from your life (from your thoughts, your pain, and whatever you are experiencing).
5) We have a future together (this moment is only a stepping stone on the way to some future goal).
6) I can guarantee that I will do everything I promise (I’m not allowed to change my mind).
7) I can guarantee I will be faithful to you forever (I’m not allowed to feel what I feel).
8) I want you to do what I want you to do (and not what you're doing).
9) If you try hard enough, one day I will change (don’t worry about the way I am now – you will change that with time).
10) If I really love you - I'll do what you want me to do.

How do you react when you believe our collective distorted ideas like these about relationships?

It hurts doesn’t it! It’s very stressful to believe such insane thoughts. And it’s thoughts like these that are the cause of all our relationship problems (and only all of them).

Please note that these 10 points or “reality checks” are 10 ways YOU can stay conscious in your relationship – and not 10 descriptions of a conscious relationship. I make this distinction because there is no such thing as a conscious relationship as far as I can see. And anyway, how many people does it take for you to be conscious in your relationship? Only one – YOU! Whether your partner is conscious or not, well you can’t do anything about that. That’s his or her business. And you will find that any attempt on your part to try to make the other person conscious in your relationship will only make you feel unhappy. Why? Because by trying to do this (it’s impossible anyway), you are going against all of the 10 ways that you can be conscious in a relationship!

10 reality checks for staying conscious in a relationship – Part 2
by Tim Ray

While we’re at it, don’t forget that just as you can’t make your partner happy or unhappy, it’s equally true that your partner can’t make you happy or unhappy. So here are another 10 “reality checks” that can help you stay conscious in a relationship:

1) You can't make me happy (that's my job).
2) You can't make me unhappy (that's also my job).
3) You can't give me anything I don't already have.
4) You can't save me from my life.
5) We have no future together (only this moment).
6) You can't promise me anything except that you can't promise me anything.
7) You will be faithful until you’re not faithful anymore.
8) No matter what you want me to do – I’ll do exactly what I do anyway.
9) No matter how hard I try, you’re never going to change. What I see is what I get.
10) You love me - and that doesn't mean that you'll do what I want you to do.

If you are in doubt as to whether these 10 statements are in harmony with reality or not when it comes to relationships (or any type of relationship for that matter!), once again you can test each of the 10 statements by turning each statement around 180 degrees to its complete opposite and notice how you feel when you believe the opposite. Here’s how the opposites sound:

1) You can make me happy (my happiness is influenced by what you say and do).
2) You can make me unhappy (my happiness – or lack of happiness – is influenced by what you say and do).
3) You can give me something I don't already have (I am not whole and complete as I am).
4) You can save me from my life (from my thoughts, my pain, and whatever I am experiencing).
5) We have a future together (this moment is only a stepping stone on the way to some future goal).
6) You can guarantee that you will do everything you promise (you’re not allowed to change your mind).
7) You can guarantee you will be faithful to me forever (you’re not allowed to feel what you feel).
8) It would be better if I did what you want me to do (and not what I am doing).
9) If I try hard enough, one day you will change (I shouldn’t worry about the way you are now – I will change that with time)
10) If you really love me - you'll do what I want you to do.

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Who would your partner be if you got things your way?
by Tim Ray

Most of us have lots of ideas about how we’d like our partners to be. Ideas about what he or she “should” say or do (or not say or not do) so that we can be happy. Ideas about how they should change or live their lives – ideas about what is right or wrong for them – and so on.

But you’ve maybe noticed that no matter how hard we try, the reality is that our partners seldom follow our orders or do what we want them to do. Our partners just think what they think, say what they say, and do what they do – and they seldom change no matter how hard we try to get them to change.

The other day it struck me that in fact this is really good and very intelligent. Because who would your partner be if you got things your way? Who would your partner be if you – like some kind of God – were allowed to control the Universe and dictate how your partner should think, talk, act and live his/her life? For sure your partner wouldn’t be the person he or she is right now, right? If you think about it, your partner wouldn’t even be a person at all but rather a brain-dead slobbering robot sitting in the corner with saliva dribbling out of the corner of his mouth, waiting for your next command. “Yes master, what is your command master…?”

And if you turn it around… who would you be if your partner got his way when it comes to you? Who would you be if your partner – like some kind of God – could dictate and decide what you should think, say and do? It’s a terrible thought isn’t it? You wouldn’t be yourself any more but more like a vegetable or a tamed animal in a golden cage just sitting there with a chain around your neck and shackles on your feet while you were told what to do. Ugh… what a thought!

And that’s why the fact that we have absolutely no control over each other – no control over our partners or the other people in our lives – is such a good and wonderful thing. God couldn’t have created anything more perfect. And in fact that’s exactly how God did create it!

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We are all like the “monster” from Austria
by Tim Ray

Recently the newspapers have been filled with the story of the elderly Austrian man who kept his grown daughter and her (their!) children imprisoned – in the most calculating way – in his cellar for more than 20 years. The story didn’t just shock the Austrian people but the whole world. We were all stunned by the fact that one human being could so terribly abuse another human being and so calculatingly rob other people of their freedom. And we wonder how could it happen – how could things go so far?

But I think the truth is that we are all more or less just like the “monster” from Austria (as the media calls him) when it comes to our relationships with the people we care about. Think about it. How many times have we ourselves (if not physically then at least verbally and mentally) tried to deprive our partners, our lovers, our husbands/wives, our children and others who are close to us of their freedom? How many times have we tried to deprive them of their freedom and right to live their lives the way they want to by trying to get them to do what we think they “should” do? In the name of love of course – however absurd that may sound. How many times have we tried to get our partner to do something he or she didn’t want to do and then tried to manipulate them down into a mental prison cell by justifying our wishes with “you should” and “if you really loved me you would…” or “remember if you want this relationship to function, you have to compromise” (which is just another way of saying that I want you to do what I want you to do and not what you want to do)? How many times have we put ourselves in the position of “the judge” when it comes to how the people we “love” should live their lives? How many times have we thought we knew what is best for them? And how many times have we then tried to get them to do it – if not by force – then by threats, ultimatums and verbal manipulation and/or by violating their boundaries?

For the truth is when it comes to our close relationships, we are all more or less like the man from Austria we are so disgusted by. The story of the “monster” from Austria and his family is just an extreme expression of the mental delusions we all suffer from. Namely the idea that we know what’s best for others - and that other people should do what we think they should do. And to top it all off, that we have the right to pressure them and manipulate them into doing it!

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Are you fed up with the traditional relationship model?
by Tim Ray

The last few years I’ve noticed that more and more of the singles in my circle of friends (both men and women) often don’t seem to have any particular desire to get a new partner. Quite a few have more or less completely given up the thought that it is at all possible for them to find a partner who they are compatible with.

And I’ve wondered more than once – how can this be? What is the reason that at the moment, I myself and a growing number of other people to a greater or lesser degree don’t really want to be in a relationship? Is it because we really don’t want to be in a relationship? Or is it because when push comes to shove, we are afraid of “making a commitment” or “binding” ourselves (as several of my ex-girlfriends have said to me over the years)? Or is it perhaps just because we haven’t found the “right” person yet?

Or is there a completely other reason? What if our lack of desire to have a regular partner doesn’t have anything to do with not wanting a partner? What if it’s because the traditional relationship model just doesn’t work for us?

When I talk to some of the singles I know who wonder if being in a relationship is really something for them, I’ve discovered something interesting. It seems that the problem for many is not really that they don’t want a partner, but rather that they simply don’t want any of the three variations of the traditional relationships that we have been brainwashed to believe are the only correct way of doing things:

1. A relationship where each person lives on their own
2. A relationship where two people live together
3. A relationship where two people live together and have children

And because most of us believe that there are only two possibilities in life when it comes to relationships – single or one of the three above variations of the traditional model, lots of us are starting to believe and feel that having a relationship might not be the right thing for us.

But what if the above (single or in one of the three relationship models) is not true? What if there are more ways of being in a relationship? What if there are countless creative ways of being in a relationship which you can adjust and adapt so there’s a way that fits exactly the way you are and the way you live your life? A way that meets your wishes and needs? What if there was no limits to how people can live in relationships? For example:

1. We don’t live together and are first and foremost good friends. Sometimes, when we feel like it, we have sex together.
2. Our basic agreement is that we don’t have any fixed agreements about anything and just see each other when we both feel like it (even if this is only once every 14 days).
3. We don’t live together and don’t see each other on weekdays but we live together on weekends.
4. We live together but have two bedrooms so we don’t have to sleep together every night.
5. One partner’s need for companionship is greater than the other’s so we agree that that partner has two or three partners that are together with the partner different days of the week or month.
6. We agree on a time limit for the relationship, for example, we’ll be together for a month or for three months.

And/or any other creative combination that you can think up that two people can agree upon!

Because in reality, a relationship is not some predefined thing but an agreement that two people negotiate and agree upon – just like when you go to a job interview or join in any other type of project. So why not sit down at the table and negotiate with your partner. Set forward your wishes and listen to your partner’s wishes and see if you can’t agree upon something. And remember to do this as early as possible in your relationship! I can see that one of the classic “mistakes” I’ve made is believing that falling in love and a strong attraction is the same as being compatible with someone. And then when the first rush of enchantment begins to fade, we suddenly discover the truth. Oops… that yes, even if we are really attracted to each other, we just don’t want the same things when it comes to having a relationship!

So maybe – if you have wondered if having a relationship was something for you – you should take a new look at the concept of relationships. Maybe it’s not that relationships are not for you, but that the traditional relationship models are just too limiting! I know that next time I’m going to think about being in a relationship (if and when that happens again), I’m going to start by finding out which of the many creative models I want to enjoy – and obviously see if I can find someone (if that’s possible) who would like to join me in giving it a try!

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Are you a big city monk or nun?
by Tim Ray

Many thanks to all the readers who have commented on my last article – “Are you fed up with the traditional relationship model?” It’s a great relief isn’t it, to discover that in reality there are unlimited possibilities when it comes to the ways relationships can be!

The last couple of days, I have been thinking about another important factor when it comes to relationships – namely the historical perspective. Until very recently, we humans were generally presented with two basic options when it comes to relationships. The one was the traditional relationship model where couples lived together and had children, i.e., the family model. The other one was when a person had strong spiritual longings; he or she could become a monk or a nun, live in celibacy, and become part of a spiritual community and live in a cloister or temple.

But today it seems as if the boundaries between these two very different ways of living are fading. Today it’s no longer necessary to become a monk or a nun and live in celibacy in a cloister if you have strong spiritual longings and want to dedicate a good part of your life to this exploration. At the same time thanks to things like prevention and women’s growing economic and political freedom, it’s also possible to be in a relationship without it necessarily leading to having children, a family and a joint home and economy.

As a result, new ways of living and being in relationships are arising – among others what I call being a big city monk or nun and still having relationships. And by this I mean, a person can dedicate a great deal of his/her time to inner work and the exploration of the nature of reality without having to live in celibacy or in a cloister. In other words, today it’s possible for people to be in relationships without their relationships being the traditional model with children, living together, and spending a lot of time together.

Does this sound like you? Are you in reality a big city monk or nun?

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Have you found the “one and only” one for you?
by Tim Ray

Recently one of my friends asked me if I wasn’t dreaming of finding the “one and only” one for me – someone who really understands me, someone I really feel closely connected to, someone I can share my life and my dreams with. And I answered well I’ve already found the “one and only” one for me… in two ways…

First of all, I said to my friend, I’ve discovered that the “one and only” one for me is me, myself. I’m the person I’m with 24 hours a day, every day, seven days a week. I’m the person I go to bed with every evening and wake up with every morning. I’m the person who understands me better than anyone else in the whole world. I’m the person I feel more closely connected to than anyone else. And I’m the one I always share my life and my dreams with – whether or not I notice it.

And second of all, I continued, I’ve also discovered that the “one and only” one for me is the person I am with in every moment. For example, I said to my friend, right now you’re the “one and only” one in my life. There is only you and me together right now – nothing else. And five minutes ago when I gave our order to the waiter, she was the “one and only” one in my life. And yesterday when I was playing with my 2-year-old nephew and looking in his eyes, well, he was the “one and only” one in my life. There was just him and me. And a few days ago when I was running around with my brother’s dog Tolle, well Tolle was the “one and only” one in my life. And a year ago when I was walking on the beach with my ex-girlfriend, she was the “one and only” one in my life then. And the person I’m going to give my attention to in the next moment will also be the “one and only” one in my life.

What about you? Have you found the “one and only” one for you? Or are you still looking?

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Stay away from women in their 30s
by Tim Ray

Why? Because women in their 30s are the worst! Why do I say that? Because when a woman is in her 30s, she believes (utterly and completely) that the good life, the perfect life, the sweet life is just around the corner if she just works hard enough and is good enough. And she believes utterly and completely that if she just works hard enough she will soon have this perfect life (the one the glossy women’s magazines are shoving down our throats and telling us is the royal road to eternal happiness) with the perfect man, the perfect relationship, the perfect kids, the perfect family, a great sex life, a beautiful, sexy body, a great career, a good job, a beautiful home with perfect designer furniture, quality weekends, picture-perfect holidays, and a superb lifestyle with more and more and more quality.

It’s simply so exhausting to be around a woman in her 30s that it makes me want to puke (and believe me, I’ve had quite a few girlfriends in their 30s). So now every time I meet a woman in her 30s, I look for the nearest exit. Because I know having a relationship with a woman in her 30s means big-time stress!

Now I stick to women in their 20s or 40s or older. Because even if women in their 20s still believe the dream that if you just work hard enough, one day you will achieve all these things and be happy – at least most women in their 20s also have the attitude “But not just yet. I still want a few years of fun before I sign up for the feminine version of the Foreign Legion-Navy Seals-Iron-Man-Master-of-the-Universe syndrome.” (Even though I have in truth also met women who already in their late 20s were infected with this deadly form of insanity).

And then there are women over 40 – thank God! They are usually even more fun than women in their 20s because women over 40 as a rule, no longer have such illusions. Women in their 40s or older have worked themselves to the bone day and night to live up to the dream that says if they just manage to achieve this or that they’ll be happy – and now they’re over 40 and guess what – it didn’t happen. The bubble burst! Either they didn’t achieve the things they thought would make them happy – a man, children, family, job, career, beautiful home, designer furniture, friends, picture-perfect holidays and so forth (and are now simply worn out, unhappy and stressed from working so hard for so many years) or they achieved all the things they believed were necessary to be happy – and have to admit that they’re still not happy. And they’re also starting to realize that the game’s over, the race is run and that despite their dedicated efforts they are not getting any younger or more beautiful or healthier or stronger. The reality is their kids just keep on growing and their husbands and boyfriends aren’t getting any smarter, and getting the latest, hottest new stuff just doesn’t seem to make anything better anymore. So they begin to realize that if they don’t start living life now and having some fun now, they’re never going to live life and have fun. So they begin to drop their cherished female version of the Foreign Legion-Navy Seals-Iron-Man-Master-of-the-Universe syndrome and start focusing a little more on relaxing, breathing, and enjoying life. Which of course is why it’s so much fun to be with women who are over 40! Unless of course they are still stubbornly stuck in the glossy magazine dreams (and I have to admit I have met a few pitiful examples of women who were still fighting the losing battle to keep the old dream alive), but whenever I met one of these I think, why worry – sooner or later they’ll collapse and give up.

So that’s why I say, stay away from women in their 30s. And if you are a woman in your 30s, if you want to survive your 30s and stay sane – it might be a good idea to stop trying to live up to society’s idea of a woman in her 30s!

Stay away from women in their 30s - Part 2
by Tim Ray

After reading Part 1, some of you might now be thinking – is this just one 35-year-old man venting his spleen at his ex-girlfriends and women in their 30s in general? But hand on my heart, it’s not. The truth is I think that women in their 30s are the most beautiful and wonderful creatures. My words are in fact an attempt to cast some light on something much deeper and more fundamental:

* We live in a society where we (both women and men) are bombarded and brainwashed (from the moment we are born and for the rest of our lives) to accept the most insane beliefs about what it takes to feel OK,  live a happy life and be loved.

* The really stressful consequences of these insane beliefs often seem to reach their climax in women in their 30s (and also in men in their 30s - including me!). There can be many reasons for this – not least the fact that a woman in her 30s today is expected (or expects herself) to be able to do all of the following at the same time – be a new mother, wife/girlfriend, sexy lover, look terrific, bake homemade cookies for the kids’ kindergarten, have a successful career, live in a beautiful home with designer furniture, be a good friend and generally just be what I call the feminine version of the Foreign Legion-Navy Seals-Iron-Man-Master-of-the-Universe syndrome.

* The stressful consequences of these insane expectations are often followed by different degrees of:

- Serious crisis or breakdown (typically around the age of 37-38 according to reliable sources). They just can’t take it anymore.

- Disillusionment (usually for the next 5-10 years). For many years now I have been giving lectures and workshops and doing private sessions both in Denmark and abroad about how we can live better and more happy lives. In the beginning I used to wonder why most of the people attending were women in the ages 35-50 and why almost no men attend. And also why there was almost never anyone in their 20s or over 60, but now I am starting to understand why.

- Waking up (if it hurts enough!)

So my words are not in any way an attack on women in their 30s – on the contrary, my words are really a cry for help for all of us. Let us do something about our collective insanity before not just women in their 30s, but everyone (all of humanity) and the whole of Planet Earth starts to have the Biggest Nervous Breakdown Ever – which actually seems to be happening already…

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Men are the most oppressed sex
by Tim Ray

People today talk a lot about the fact that women are the most oppressed sex. And when it comes to outer things – like politics, the workplace, finances, religion, childcare and much more – this does definitely seem to be the case. But what about when it comes to our inner lives? What about when it’s about our thoughts and feelings, our hearts and our souls? Who then is the most oppressed sex – women or men?

I recently had an interesting experience with the men on my football team. During a practice game, one of the players – one of the team’s toughest and most masculine guys – suddenly stopped playing, turned pale and clutched his chest and ran down to the locker room while we all watched. To my great surprise, the other players just started playing again but I ran after him to see what was going on. The guy was stretched out on the floor, looking very frightened. When I asked him what was going on, he said he was having an anxiety attack – something that apparently happened to him now and again. After I’d sat with him for a while and talked to him a bit and tried to get him to breathe deeply – I went back to the other guys. I asked them if this had happened before (I was the new man on the team) and they said, “oh yeah, he sometimes has heart palpitations”. But none of them would really look me in the eye or talk about it. It was obvious that they thought it was embarrassing – not for them but for him! Because anxiety attacks (as the big man himself had just said) are something only little old ladies have!

This and many other similar experiences with the men in my life has made me realize that even if women are the most oppressed sex in the outer world, men are definitely the most oppressed sex when it comes to our inner lives. In fact, even in our so-called progressive society today it is more or less totally taboo for a man to have an inner life, for a man to have feelings – and God forbid – for a man to feel bad! And maybe most dangerous of all – for a man to talk to other men about it! We men have grown up with the most insane beliefs about what it means to be a “real” man. For example:

A real man doesn’t cry.

A real man doesn’t show his feelings.

It is a sign of failure if a real man feels bad.

A real man should be big and strong.

A real man shouldn’t be weak and vulnerable.

It’s a man’s job to take care of the woman.

And on and on in an endless inner man’s hell.

It’s clear that we men ourselves – as in the case of my football friends above – bear much of the responsibility for what’s going on. But I have also observed that YOU WOMEN really and truly don’t make it easy for us men either. Think about it dear women. When you’re a man, almost everywhere you look you hear that women want men with broad shoulders, well-developed arms, that rugged he-man look and those masculine moves – someone who can take care of you and make you feel safe. You women don’t want a man who sits and cries and feels bad. Yes, I know that many of you will now protest and say it’s not true – we do want a sensitive man, a man with an inner life. But when I talk about a real man, a sensitive man with an inner life, I don’t mean a man who can offer you 12 hours of non-stop romantic tantra sex by candlelight after he has mindfully done the dishes and read Eckhart Tolle goodnight stories for the kids. No I’m talking about a real man and the way he also really feels inside – like a scared little boy who is just like you scared little girls who are trying to find out what this thing called life is all about. A man who feels insecure and often doesn’t know what to do or how to live life. A man who feels pressure from all sides, and from inside too. A man who has to fight years of indoctrination about what it means to be a man. A man who might just feel like giving up and dropping out. A man who might just sit and cry for hours if he was really allowed to – and if he allowed himself to. And maybe cry again the next day. And the next week. And the next year. For that’s how we men really feel inside sometimes, underneath all our tough disguises. We feel just like you do dear women. Is this the kind of man you really want dear women when you say you want a real man with an inner life? Do you really dare? Can you embrace and contain all this? Can you embrace and contain yourselves?

This is why I say that men are definitely the most oppressed sex. I really think it’s time for a men’s revolution. Anyone want to join me?

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Congratulations on your breakdown!
by Tim Ray

Some months ago, one of my good friends told me shamefully that she had had a breakdown. She was simply feeling so bad that she was more or less unable to function in the world as she had done previously. “Congratulations on your breakdown!” I told her with a big smile and gave her a big hug. “I’m so happy for you!”

She looked at me as if I’d gone mad. How could I say that? How could I say something like that when everyone else she talked to – family, friends and colleagues – saw her breakdown as a sign of failure and were all busy advising her to go to a doctor or a psychiatrist and get some pills so she could get back on track as quickly as possible and be her usual old, well-functioning self again.

So how could I congratulate her on something everyone else considered a failure? – my friend wanted to know.

I answered her like this: “If the society we live in today is completely insane, if the beliefs we are being fed day and night and which we believe in ourselves are insane and driving us crazy… then who is the healthiest person? The person who adjusts to our society and these insane collective beliefs… or the  person who no longer can function in this society and live with our collective beliefs – and who finally breaks down from the massive stress and pain all this causes?”

When I said this to my friend, it was as if a huge weight literally fell from her heart. “Do you mean that my breakdown is actually a sign of health? That it’s not me there’s something wrong with but our whole collective belief system?”

“Yes,” I said and gave her another big hug. Since then my friend has gone into her “breakdown” with all her heart and soul and is courageously investigating all the many stressful thought and beliefs and stories that she believed her whole life and which have caused her so much pain and which finally led to her breakdown. And I can tell you that even though it has at times been an extremely difficult and painful process – she’s never been better than she is now. And I’m convinced that she will never, ever get back on track and be her old, crazy self again!

So think about it if you or someone you know is about to break down or has had a breakdown. Your breakdown is a completely healthy reaction to an insane world with its insane ways of thinking. So congratulate yourself or your friend. Your breakdown is a sign that you are about to wake up from the collective madness. You are waking up to reality! Hallelujah!

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We live in an ADHD world
by Tim Ray

There’s a lot of talk today about the fact that more and more children are suffering from ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). That more and more kids are hyperactive, have difficulty concentrating, are restless, have mood swings and are easily distracted by outer stimuli. And there’s a lot of talk about the causes and why more and more kids today are becoming like this. But if we look a little more closely at the matter and at our society in general, it’s not difficult to se what the cause of these symptoms is…

We live in an ADHD world!

Think about it. Do you know any grown-up person who isn’t more or less hyperactive and who doesn’t have difficulty concentrating and who isn’t restless and doesn’t suffer mood swings and isn’t easily distracted by outer stimuli? And is it any wonder that the majority of adults today also suffer more or less from ADHD since we live in a society where there is a constant focus from morning to evening on more and more and MORE sensual input, experiences, activities, stimuli, and things? So that (God forbid!) no person should for so much as a single second (not to mention for a few minutes or a few hours) find themselves alone with themselves in the silence? Is it any surprise then that we grown-ups feel so bad? Is it any surprise that we grown-ups are all also suffering more or less from ADHD?

And since children always copy us grown-ups (not what we say but how we live) is it any wonder that more and more children are feeling bad today and suffering from what we call ADHD? It makes perfect sense since we ourselves are suffering from ADHD and living in an ADHD society…

So if you have a child or if you work with children who are suffering from ADHD and it’s bothering you – you can try this very effective exercise:

Make a list of how you wish your child or the children in your life should live and be. For example:
I want my child to be calm and peaceful.
I want my child to be present in the moment and pay attention to what is happening now.
I want a harmonious balance between activity and silence in my child’s life.
I want my child to be less affected by outer things.
I want my child to be able to be alone with him/herself.
I want my child to rest in him/herself.
I want my child to take other people into consideration.
… and so on…

And now turn the entire list around 180 degrees so it becomes…
I want ME to be calm and peaceful.
I want ME to be present in the moment and pay attention to what is happening now.
Etc…
and live it yourself.

Because you see the universe is so ingeniously designed that our surroundings always follow us. That means our children follow us. So if you yourself live a peaceful life and rest in yourself and are present in the moment and don’t get so affected by outer things, the children in your life will slowly and surely begin to copy you. They can’t do otherwise because the world around you is a mirror of you. This is great news! This means that the power is in you!

This means you don’t have to wait for the children in your life to calm down for you to be calm. It’s the other way around – the children in your life are waiting for you. The whole world is waiting for you.

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Do something good for the planet – don’t have kids
by Tim Ray

I am 35 and have no children – and I don’t have the faintest desire to have them. Not the slightest inclination – and I never had. I wondered about this for many years – and so did my family, friends, colleagues and just about everyone I met. How could it be that I never had the slightest desire to have kids?

Then one day the answer suddenly came to me:

“The reason I don’t want to have children is because I am heeding the call of Mother Earth who is saying don’t put more children into this world because the planet is over-populated and about to break down because of humanity’s massive materialism which has led to our catastrophic over-consumption, pollution, and the systematic destruction of the planet’s ecosystems.”

So yes! It suddenly all became clear to me. It’s so obvious when you see it. A hundred years ago there were far less people on Earth – and maybe the planet needed many people to have children to ensure the continuation of the species and to make sure there were fresh hands to help on the farm. But that’s not so today. Today Mother Earth needs us to stop having kids and start taking care of the millions of needy children who already are here, and to stop our over-consumption and take better care of the planet.

So if you are one of those people who have no desire to have kids, just think about it… It could be that not having kids is the very best thing you can do for the planet!

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