Stay away from women in their 30s
by Tim Ray

Why? Because women in their 30s are the worst! Why do I say that? Because when a woman is in her 30s, she believes (utterly and completely) that the good life, the perfect life, the sweet life is just around the corner if she just works hard enough and is good enough. And she believes utterly and completely that if she just works hard enough she will soon have this perfect life (the one the glossy women’s magazines are shoving down our throats and telling us is the royal road to eternal happiness) with the perfect man, the perfect relationship, the perfect kids, the perfect family, a great sex life, a beautiful, sexy body, a great career, a good job, a beautiful home with perfect designer furniture, quality weekends, picture-perfect holidays, and a superb lifestyle with more and more and more quality.

It’s simply so exhausting to be around a woman in her 30s that it makes me want to puke (and believe me, I’ve had quite a few girlfriends in their 30s). So now every time I meet a woman in her 30s, I look for the nearest exit. Because I know having a relationship with a woman in her 30s means big-time stress!

Now I stick to women in their 20s or 40s or older. Because even if women in their 20s still believe the dream that if you just work hard enough, one day you will achieve all these things and be happy – at least most women in their 20s also have the attitude “But not just yet. I still want a few years of fun before I sign up for the feminine version of the Foreign Legion-Navy Seals-Iron-Man-Master-of-the-Universe syndrome.” (Even though I have in truth also met women who already in their late 20s were infected with this deadly form of insanity).

And then there are women over 40 – thank God! They are usually even more fun than women in their 20s because women over 40 as a rule, no longer have such illusions. Women in their 40s or older have worked themselves to the bone day and night to live up to the dream that says if they just manage to achieve this or that they’ll be happy – and now they’re over 40 and guess what – it didn’t happen. The bubble burst! Either they didn’t achieve the things they thought would make them happy – a man, children, family, job, career, beautiful home, designer furniture, friends, picture-perfect holidays and so forth (and are now simply worn out, unhappy and stressed from working so hard for so many years) or they achieved all the things they believed were necessary to be happy – and have to admit that they’re still not happy. And they’re also starting to realize that the game’s over, the race is run and that despite their dedicated efforts they are not getting any younger or more beautiful or healthier or stronger. The reality is their kids just keep on growing and their husbands and boyfriends aren’t getting any smarter, and getting the latest, hottest new stuff just doesn’t seem to make anything better anymore. So they begin to realize that if they don’t start living life now and having some fun now, they’re never going to live life and have fun. So they begin to drop their cherished female version of the Foreign Legion-Navy Seals-Iron-Man-Master-of-the-Universe syndrome and start focusing a little more on relaxing, breathing, and enjoying life. Which of course is why it’s so much fun to be with women who are over 40! Unless of course they are still stubbornly stuck in the glossy magazine dreams (and I have to admit I have met a few pitiful examples of women who were still fighting the losing battle to keep the old dream alive), but whenever I met one of these I think, why worry – sooner or later they’ll collapse and give up.

So that’s why I say, stay away from women in their 30s. And if you are a woman in your 30s, if you want to survive your 30s and stay sane – it might be a good idea to stop trying to live up to society’s idea of a woman in her 30s!

Stay away from women in their 30s - Part 2
by Tim Ray

After reading Part 1, some of you might now be thinking – is this just one 35-year-old man venting his spleen at his ex-girlfriends and women in their 30s in general? But hand on my heart, it’s not. The truth is I think that women in their 30s are the most beautiful and wonderful creatures. My words are in fact an attempt to cast some light on something much deeper and more fundamental:

* We live in a society where we (both women and men) are bombarded and brainwashed (from the moment we are born and for the rest of our lives) to accept the most insane beliefs about what it takes to feel OK,  live a happy life and be loved.

* The really stressful consequences of these insane beliefs often seem to reach their climax in women in their 30s (and also in men in their 30s - including me!). There can be many reasons for this – not least the fact that a woman in her 30s today is expected (or expects herself) to be able to do all of the following at the same time – be a new mother, wife/girlfriend, sexy lover, look terrific, bake homemade cookies for the kids’ kindergarten, have a successful career, live in a beautiful home with designer furniture, be a good friend and generally just be what I call the feminine version of the Foreign Legion-Navy Seals-Iron-Man-Master-of-the-Universe syndrome.

* The stressful consequences of these insane expectations are often followed by different degrees of:

- Serious crisis or breakdown (typically around the age of 37-38 according to reliable sources). They just can’t take it anymore.

- Disillusionment (usually for the next 5-10 years). For many years now I have been giving lectures and workshops and doing private sessions both in Denmark and abroad about how we can live better and more happy lives. In the beginning I used to wonder why most of the people attending were women in the ages 35-50 and why almost no men attend. And also why there was almost never anyone in their 20s or over 60, but now I am starting to understand why.

- Waking up (if it hurts enough!)

So my words are not in any way an attack on women in their 30s – on the contrary, my words are really a cry for help for all of us. Let us do something about our collective insanity before not just women in their 30s, but everyone (all of humanity) and the whole of Planet Earth starts to have the Biggest Nervous Breakdown Ever – which actually seems to be happening already…

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Men are the most oppressed sex
by Tim Ray

People today talk a lot about the fact that women are the most oppressed sex. And when it comes to outer things – like politics, the workplace, finances, religion, childcare and much more – this does definitely seem to be the case. But what about when it comes to our inner lives? What about when it’s about our thoughts and feelings, our hearts and our souls? Who then is the most oppressed sex – women or men?

I recently had an interesting experience with the men on my football team. During a practice game, one of the players – one of the team’s toughest and most masculine guys – suddenly stopped playing, turned pale and clutched his chest and ran down to the locker room while we all watched. To my great surprise, the other players just started playing again but I ran after him to see what was going on. The guy was stretched out on the floor, looking very frightened. When I asked him what was going on, he said he was having an anxiety attack – something that apparently happened to him now and again. After I’d sat with him for a while and talked to him a bit and tried to get him to breathe deeply – I went back to the other guys. I asked them if this had happened before (I was the new man on the team) and they said, “oh yeah, he sometimes has heart palpitations”. But none of them would really look me in the eye or talk about it. It was obvious that they thought it was embarrassing – not for them but for him! Because anxiety attacks (as the big man himself had just said) are something only little old ladies have!

This and many other similar experiences with the men in my life has made me realize that even if women are the most oppressed sex in the outer world, men are definitely the most oppressed sex when it comes to our inner lives. In fact, even in our so-called progressive society today it is more or less totally taboo for a man to have an inner life, for a man to have feelings – and God forbid – for a man to feel bad! And maybe most dangerous of all – for a man to talk to other men about it! We men have grown up with the most insane beliefs about what it means to be a “real” man. For example:

A real man doesn’t cry.

A real man doesn’t show his feelings.

It is a sign of failure if a real man feels bad.

A real man should be big and strong.

A real man shouldn’t be weak and vulnerable.

It’s a man’s job to take care of the woman.

And on and on in an endless inner man’s hell.

It’s clear that we men ourselves – as in the case of my football friends above – bear much of the responsibility for what’s going on. But I have also observed that YOU WOMEN really and truly don’t make it easy for us men either. Think about it dear women. When you’re a man, almost everywhere you look you hear that women want men with broad shoulders, well-developed arms, that rugged he-man look and those masculine moves – someone who can take care of you and make you feel safe. You women don’t want a man who sits and cries and feels bad. Yes, I know that many of you will now protest and say it’s not true – we do want a sensitive man, a man with an inner life. But when I talk about a real man, a sensitive man with an inner life, I don’t mean a man who can offer you 12 hours of non-stop romantic tantra sex by candlelight after he has mindfully done the dishes and read Eckhart Tolle goodnight stories for the kids. No I’m talking about a real man and the way he also really feels inside – like a scared little boy who is just like you scared little girls who are trying to find out what this thing called life is all about. A man who feels insecure and often doesn’t know what to do or how to live life. A man who feels pressure from all sides, and from inside too. A man who has to fight years of indoctrination about what it means to be a man. A man who might just feel like giving up and dropping out. A man who might just sit and cry for hours if he was really allowed to – and if he allowed himself to. And maybe cry again the next day. And the next week. And the next year. For that’s how we men really feel inside sometimes, underneath all our tough disguises. We feel just like you do dear women. Is this the kind of man you really want dear women when you say you want a real man with an inner life? Do you really dare? Can you embrace and contain all this? Can you embrace and contain yourselves?

This is why I say that men are definitely the most oppressed sex. I really think it’s time for a men’s revolution. Anyone want to join me?

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Congratulations on your breakdown!
by Tim Ray

Some months ago, one of my good friends told me shamefully that she had had a breakdown. She was simply feeling so bad that she was more or less unable to function in the world as she had done previously. “Congratulations on your breakdown!” I told her with a big smile and gave her a big hug. “I’m so happy for you!”

She looked at me as if I’d gone mad. How could I say that? How could I say something like that when everyone else she talked to – family, friends and colleagues – saw her breakdown as a sign of failure and were all busy advising her to go to a doctor or a psychiatrist and get some pills so she could get back on track as quickly as possible and be her usual old, well-functioning self again.

So how could I congratulate her on something everyone else considered a failure? – my friend wanted to know.

I answered her like this: “If the society we live in today is completely insane, if the beliefs we are being fed day and night and which we believe in ourselves are insane and driving us crazy… then who is the healthiest person? The person who adjusts to our society and these insane collective beliefs… or the  person who no longer can function in this society and live with our collective beliefs – and who finally breaks down from the massive stress and pain all this causes?”

When I said this to my friend, it was as if a huge weight literally fell from her heart. “Do you mean that my breakdown is actually a sign of health? That it’s not me there’s something wrong with but our whole collective belief system?”

“Yes,” I said and gave her another big hug. Since then my friend has gone into her “breakdown” with all her heart and soul and is courageously investigating all the many stressful thought and beliefs and stories that she believed her whole life and which have caused her so much pain and which finally led to her breakdown. And I can tell you that even though it has at times been an extremely difficult and painful process – she’s never been better than she is now. And I’m convinced that she will never, ever get back on track and be her old, crazy self again!

So think about it if you or someone you know is about to break down or has had a breakdown. Your breakdown is a completely healthy reaction to an insane world with its insane ways of thinking. So congratulate yourself or your friend. Your breakdown is a sign that you are about to wake up from the collective madness. You are waking up to reality! Hallelujah!

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We live in an ADHD world
by Tim Ray

There’s a lot of talk today about the fact that more and more children are suffering from ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). That more and more kids are hyperactive, have difficulty concentrating, are restless, have mood swings and are easily distracted by outer stimuli. And there’s a lot of talk about the causes and why more and more kids today are becoming like this. But if we look a little more closely at the matter and at our society in general, it’s not difficult to se what the cause of these symptoms is…

We live in an ADHD world!

Think about it. Do you know any grown-up person who isn’t more or less hyperactive and who doesn’t have difficulty concentrating and who isn’t restless and doesn’t suffer mood swings and isn’t easily distracted by outer stimuli? And is it any wonder that the majority of adults today also suffer more or less from ADHD since we live in a society where there is a constant focus from morning to evening on more and more and MORE sensual input, experiences, activities, stimuli, and things? So that (God forbid!) no person should for so much as a single second (not to mention for a few minutes or a few hours) find themselves alone with themselves in the silence? Is it any surprise then that we grown-ups feel so bad? Is it any surprise that we grown-ups are all also suffering more or less from ADHD?

And since children always copy us grown-ups (not what we say but how we live) is it any wonder that more and more children are feeling bad today and suffering from what we call ADHD? It makes perfect sense since we ourselves are suffering from ADHD and living in an ADHD society…

So if you have a child or if you work with children who are suffering from ADHD and it’s bothering you – you can try this very effective exercise:

Make a list of how you wish your child or the children in your life should live and be. For example:
I want my child to be calm and peaceful.
I want my child to be present in the moment and pay attention to what is happening now.
I want a harmonious balance between activity and silence in my child’s life.
I want my child to be less affected by outer things.
I want my child to be able to be alone with him/herself.
I want my child to rest in him/herself.
I want my child to take other people into consideration.
… and so on…

And now turn the entire list around 180 degrees so it becomes…
I want ME to be calm and peaceful.
I want ME to be present in the moment and pay attention to what is happening now.
Etc…
and live it yourself.

Because you see the universe is so ingeniously designed that our surroundings always follow us. That means our children follow us. So if you yourself live a peaceful life and rest in yourself and are present in the moment and don’t get so affected by outer things, the children in your life will slowly and surely begin to copy you. They can’t do otherwise because the world around you is a mirror of you. This is great news! This means that the power is in you!

This means you don’t have to wait for the children in your life to calm down for you to be calm. It’s the other way around – the children in your life are waiting for you. The whole world is waiting for you.

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Do something good for the planet – don’t have kids
by Tim Ray

I am 35 and have no children – and I don’t have the faintest desire to have them. Not the slightest inclination – and I never had. I wondered about this for many years – and so did my family, friends, colleagues and just about everyone I met. How could it be that I never had the slightest desire to have kids?

Then one day the answer suddenly came to me:

“The reason I don’t want to have children is because I am heeding the call of Mother Earth who is saying don’t put more children into this world because the planet is over-populated and about to break down because of humanity’s massive materialism which has led to our catastrophic over-consumption, pollution, and the systematic destruction of the planet’s ecosystems.”

So yes! It suddenly all became clear to me. It’s so obvious when you see it. A hundred years ago there were far less people on Earth – and maybe the planet needed many people to have children to ensure the continuation of the species and to make sure there were fresh hands to help on the farm. But that’s not so today. Today Mother Earth needs us to stop having kids and start taking care of the millions of needy children who already are here, and to stop our over-consumption and take better care of the planet.

So if you are one of those people who have no desire to have kids, just think about it… It could be that not having kids is the very best thing you can do for the planet!

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