What does it take to live a happy life? Barbara Berger asked herself this question one afternoon about 1½ years ago. The answer was a list of 10 points which grew into her book “Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life”.

If you asked yourself – what is preventing you from being happy right now, right this very moment – what would your answer be? Would it be that your relationship is preventing you from being happy right now? That the fact that your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife doesn’t understand you is what is preventing you from being happy right now? Or would you say it’s your health? Would you say you’d be happy, really happy, if only your health was good and you had more energy? Or would you say the fact that you don’t have enough money in your bank account is what’s preventing you from being happy? Or is it the fact that you weigh about 10 kilos more than you think you should? What would your honest answer be?

Happiness – and what is preventing us from being happy right now – is what Barbara Berger’s book – “Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life” – is all about. According to Barbara, life is a gift and happiness is our true nature, something we are. Happiness is the state of being itself. Life! Existence, something we did nothing for and which we simply are. But the only thing we can experience is our own thoughts – the thoughts in our minds – that is what our life is. So if we are not happy now, if we are not experiencing the happiness which is our true nature, there is only one thing that can be preventing us from experiencing this happiness – and that is our thinking, i.e. the thoughts in our mind.

This is a pretty radical way of looking at life, since most of us believe that our happiness depends on a wide range of outer circumstances – such as the state of our health (how our bodies are functioning), our relationships to the people who are close to us, i.e. our partner, parents, children, and friends, the amount of money we have in the bank, the kind of home we have, the car we drive, the kind of job we have, the way we look, the clothes we have, our age, our weight, our hair, our size, where we live…. According to Barbara, the list of outer circumstances and things that our happiness depends on is endless. “No wonder we are unhappy. No wonder we feel that happiness is so illusive!” she says. “We’ve got it all wrong – backwards – because we don’t understand the nature of mind. Nothing in the outer world can make us happy or unhappy because the only thing we can experience is our own thinking. And this radical understanding is the key to living a happy life.”

Barbara’s reminder to herself
Barbara says that the book was born one afternoon when she was lying on her sofa thinking...“OK Barbara, now that you’ve been through so much and are getting older, what do you need to remember to live a happy life? If you would sum it all up, what would it be? What do you need to remember to get you through the rest of your life in a better way?”

“After I asked myself this question, I started writing a list of answers, just for fun. Just to see if I could sum it up for myself – you know, what I had learned about life. As a kind of reminder to myself. It was an interesting exercise,” she says with a smile.

“And then when I looked at my list I thought – can I explain why I think each one of these points is important? So I started writing down why I thought they were important, again just to see if I could explain it to myself. I thought if I could explain it to myself I would probably also be able to remember the points better! And then maybe I would be able to live the rest of my life a little bit more wisely and be a little bit happier! So I wrote and I wrote – and suddenly I realized a book was being born!”

Lessons from a dramatic life
Barbara’s life has been pretty dramatic. Ever since she ran away from home in the US when she was 18 because of the Vietnam War, she has experienced great highs and lows: Running away, lots of travel, the 60s, taking drugs, traveling to the East, experimenting with expanding her consciousness, living in a foreign country, Macrobiotics, a health center in Copenhagen, becoming a writer, marriage, 3 kids, divorce, being a single parent, more travel, lots of work, starting her own business, being a successful business woman, success, failure, more relationships, sickness, getting older…

“In retrospect, I can see that because I didn’t understand how the mind works and how our thoughts are creating our experience of life, I used so much time and energy on thoughts that had nothing to do with reality. By this I mean things like worrying a lot about the future (which is just a thought in our minds about something that doesn’t exist) and/or thinking about the past (which again is just a thought and something you can do absolutely nothing about because it no longer exists). Like most people, I had so many thoughts and ideas that made me anxious or I worried about things (big and small) which were beyond my control. Things I could do absolutely nothing about. Things I had no influence over. So this is one of the big things life has taught me. Things are the way they are. And then there are our thoughts about how we think things ‘should’ be. And these are two different things. Life/reality is one thing – and our thoughts about life/reality are another thing. But you have to understand the nature of mind to understand this. I try to investigate this question in this book.”

Life is a gift
”We have been given this great gift which is life – and what do we do?” continues Barbara. “We struggle against it because of our thoughts and waste a lot of time and energy, get stressed, and make ourselves sick just because we have some insane (confused) ideas/thoughts about how we believe things (life/reality) ‘should’ be. And when things and reality aren’t the way we think they ‘should’ be… we’re unhappy! But it’s we ourselves who are making ourselves unhappy – and not life! Life just is.”

”So if I ask you – what is preventing you from being happy right now – your answer will probably be because there is something or someone that is not the way you think it ‘should’ be. And this means that you are unhappy because of the thoughts you are having about this matter. It’s really interesting when we become aware of this mechanism and understand it. So I write a lot about this mechanism in the book – to remind myself (and you) that it is just our own thoughts that are preventing from experiencing the happy life we so desperately are seeking right now.”

“I know this is a pretty radical statement, but it is true nevertheless. When you investigate the mechanism, you will discover it is true. You will discover that it is always – always – your thoughts that are preventing you from being happy now. How can this be? It’s because – as I say so many times in all my books – we live in a mental universe. So our thoughts are determining all our experiences. That is all that is going on! And this is good news because it means that nothing – absolutely nothing but our thoughts are preventing us from living a happy life right now. Nothing else. No outer event or circumstance can prevent us from being happy, it’s only our thoughts and the stories we are telling that can do this. But don’t believe what I say – find out for yourself if this is true or not.”

Here is Barbara’s reminder list – 10 ways to live a happy life

No. 1:
Accept what is
The number 1 cause of suffering and unhappiness is wanting life to be something it’s not.

No. 2:                                                                                                 
Want what you have  
The number 2 cause of suffering and unhappiness is wanting what you don’t have.

No. 3:
Be honest with yourself
The number 3 cause of suffering and unhappiness is not communicating honestly with yourself.

No. 4:
Investigate your stories 
The number 4 cause of suffering and unhappiness are the scary stories you tell yourself about life and the world.

No. 5:
Mind your own business
The number 5 cause of suffering and unhappiness is minding other people’s business.

No. 6:
Follow your passion and accept the consequences
The number 6 cause of suffering and unhappiness is not doing what you want because you think people will disapprove.

No. 7:
Do the right thing and accept the consequences
The number 7 cause of suffering and unhappiness is not doing the right thing because you’re afraid of the consequences.

No. 8:
Deal with what is in front of you and forget the rest
The number 8 cause of suffering and unhappiness is shadowboxing with illusions instead of dealing with the reality in front of you.

No. 9:
Know what is what
The number 9 cause of suffering and unhappiness is wanting absolute satisfaction from relative experiences.

No. 10:
Learn to see beyond impermanence
The number 10 cause of suffering and unhappiness is believing we become nothing.

Being with others
Talking to other people about these things is Barbara’s passion so she lectures and does workshops and also offers private sessions for people who want to meet her one on one. “For me, talking to people about these things is the most exciting thing in the world. And to sit with another person and somehow be the facilitator who helps someone gain more clarity about their life is the most fun of all. It’s such a privilege to be with someone when they make a breakthrough or get a deep realization. It’s just amazing – for both of us.” In her private sessions, Barbara says she uses a combination of all the tools and insights from "Are You Happy Now" as well as from her previous books such as “The Road to Power / Fast Food for the Soul”. “When I sit with someone, I really try to be fully present – and when I do this, the right tool, insight or technique often just appears – and this makes me truly grateful indeed.”